Going grey means something different for anyone of us, and aside the common benefits that all silver sisters agree on (freedom from the dying slavery, healthy hair, etc.), there are more deep and unforeseen aspects that we might personally face. This is what I mean when talking about the impact of going grey.
When I took the decision to go grey my life was a complete and utter mess. My husband had just been diagnosed with a rare and life-threatening condition, I had to stop working as my main activity had become going back and forth from the different hospitals he was in, and looking after my adolescent daughter, that was going through her GCSEs. We have no family here, so everything was on my shoulders.
When life gives you lemons…
When life gives you lemons… You have two choices. You can complain all you like that you don’t want lemons and that you did not deserve them, and cry over it. Or… You can think that maybe there is something you can learn about lemons. And discover that you can make not only lemonade, but a great limoncello, a canary too, and become the master of lemon drinks. The difference is really only in our mind and in the way we perceive things.
The decision to ditch the dye and go grey was my way of mastering lemonade.
I had postponed stopping colouring my hair for a couple of years already, and when I finally decided to go for it, it had nothing to do with freeing more time for me. It had a lot to do with stopping doing something to please others, for the sake of appearing in a way that I was “supposed” to appear. All of a sudden other people’s expectations ceased to be of any importance to me, whilst following my instinct and needs became clearly the only thing that made sense. For almost a year, until my husband recovered from the difficult surgery he underwent to heal his condition, my grey hair was the only focus I maintained on myself. It gave me comfort, and strength, and a reason to smile at myself in the mirror.
Realisations along the way
On the long term, when things got better, I realised that the impact of going grey was much bigger than I expected, and represented a self-discovery journey, and a powerful affirmation of my will. Going grey was my way of saying that I was finally ready to accept myself exactly how I was, no matter what, and to affirm loud and clear that I was not going to take bullshit from anybody, because I was definitely too old for that. Looking like myself became much more important than looking young, even because I am not “young”, my daughter is! And I don’t feel the need to compete with anyone on that, why should I be ashamed of looking my age?
I realised as well that ageing is something powerful that our society wishes to negate with all its strength, and when refusing to comply to this standard, we unleash incredible energies inside ourselves. This is a stigma that afflicts women much more than men, and this competition to look forever like our teenager self, is so toxic and blinding, that we end up not acknowledging what we are, what we have accomplished, and all the experiences that made us who we are in each moment in time.
Ageing is a blessing, not a stigma
Further down in my grey transition, the impact of going grey became clearer. I realised as well that some of the changes I went through were indeed irreversible, and I began to appreciate them nonetheless. All of a sudden, I saw the deep lines in my forehead as a testament of all the difficulty I have been through in my life, the multiple lines around my eyes the result of all the laughs I shared with the people I love, and the spots on my skin the present of a life lived under the sun. They are what defines me, what makes me who I am, the results of my choices.
Finally, I saw clearly that accepting myself was the real key to be free from society expectations, the key to freedom, and this led to acknowledge my real needs, as I had been too afraid to admit with myself that I wanted something different from what I had.
Freedom is queen!
Going grey is of course a very personal journey, and I don’t think that all women should go for it, I simply think that any women should be free to decide what she really wants for herself. If you like dyeing your hair and enjoy trying new shades, you should be able to do that, whatever your age. Purple hair in your 80s? And why not?
But if you no longer feel the joy of colouring your hair, you should be free to take your decision regardless of your age. Grey hair in your 40s or 30s? And why not?
No women should feel pressure regarding her look, (no men too, of course) so if you just feel you’d like to stop dyeing but think that you can’t for whatever reason, just stop where you are. Stop and simply ask yourself: what do YOU want? And listen carefully to the answer you give yourself.
That might be the start of a wonderful and liberating journey, that will teach you more about yourself than you ever dreamt possible.
To know more about my grey journey click here. Let me know what the impact of going grey is/would be on your life in the comments!