Rightful anger: why sometimes is right to be angry
Rightful anger is a good example to show how dealing with our emotions is a complex job. And sometimes in the way to try to transform our attitude, we might risk to take things a bit too literally, and end up with some toxic positivity.
Particularly with dealing with an emotion like anger, if we are not careful, trying to be positive in a forced and empty way might produce exactly the opposite of what we are expecting.
Sounds crazy? Well, the thing is, if you think about it for a moment: no emotion is good or bad in itself. Emotions are just what they are: thoughts associated with an intense physical feeling, used by our body to codify what happens around us.
The only problem, when dealing with emotions, arises only when and if they are not rightly and healthily expressed.
Why rightful anger
When I’m speaking about rightful anger, I’m referring to the emotion that is triggered by a fact and then causes a response that accomplish a sort of defensive action towards ourselves or others. Anger is not a negative emotion in itself, if you reflect on the fact that is conceived by our body/mind to potentially prompt a reaction that will make things better for us.
Let me explain myself better. If something makes us angry, might lead us to take planned and concrete actions to avoid that situation might happen again. In other words, in itself, anger can be a positive emotion, that helps us improve our situation. We could decide to leave a wrong job, fight for our right, make a positive change, if we are able to use rightful anger in a healthy way.
If, on the other hand, we express it in a negative way, that feeling can be very dangerous and lead us in very bad places.
Firstly, we need to openly acknowledge our emotion. This goes for every emotion, to be honest, but the negative potential of unacknowledged anger is far more destructive than any other ignored emotion.
How toxic positivity can create a time bomb out of anger
Whenever we fail to acknowledge our anger, and immediately try to push it away with good thoughts for the sake of being positive, we practically swipe it under the rug, pretending we have transformed it in positive vibes.
As a result, we deny ourselves the right to be angry, and simply censor the emotion instead to allow it. Hence, we are not doing ourselves any favour, and we start to accumulate unexpressed anger without realising it.
I am not suggesting that you let anger rule yourself whenever it shows up, but that you take the time to see it, feel it, recognise it as an emotion. Maybe express it physically by exercising the body if needed. Only then we are able to transform it in positive. Only after you have allowed yourself to feel the emotion you can really put it into the right perspective and transform it into a positive emotion.
The limit of affirmation and positive thought
“All is love” or “everything is fine” are beautiful affirmations, but if you use them while denying your anger, they will be just a cherry on a shit pie , if you excuse my french. Your conscious mind might be convinced that you are doing the right thing, but your subconscious mind will be there completely oblivious to the affirmations. It will instead begin to build up the anger explosion. And that will maybe make you be rude with your friends or family in unexpected ways, or maybe will make your body sick if you keep avoiding to express it.
Find “your” way to express that anger
There is no recipe for anger expression, it really depends on who you are. What works for me, might be useless for you, but still there are several ways to get rid of your anger in an healthy way.
- As said above, physical exercise might work for many, is possibly the natural way in which we are naturally supposed to express it as a specie. Instead of assaulting the person who has triggered the anger as an animal would do, we are conveying that anger on another physical action. You can walk, run, punch a sack or a cushion, dance it out, bike till you don’t feel your legs! Tale it out!
- Find a place where you can be alone, and just shout it out. Might be not the easiest way, but is surely granted to give voice to your anger, and satisfy your body with a sort of explosive action, that goes very well with anger expression.
- Speak to someone that will sympathise with you. Sometimes we just want have our anger and indignation acknowledged openly.
Get Creative!
- Write about it. Just take a pen and a piece of paper and let the words flow on your sheet. Express it using whatever words comes to mind, do not censor it. The act of putting the words down can be highly therapeutical in itself. You can add the final touch by burning it after you are finished, adding a nice transformational action. (Feel you anger dissolve it while your paper turns into ashes!!!)
- If you are creative, express it through art. Write a poem, paint your own feeling, create a collage, sculpt it with bread, write a song, find your personal way to put it out in the world instead of swiping it under the carpet!
- Meditate. Although this requires a good level of practice! If the anger is intense and complex, and you are a newbe, you might risk to end up in the toxic positivity zone. On the other hand if you are used to meditation, it might be the perfect way to transform it!
Transforming Anger
When we are able to transcend out anger in this way, and only then focus on the positive, we will benefit from the positive thinking.
What we need to understand is that condemning an emotion that we feel, deeming it negative and trying to avoid it at all costs, is counterproductive, and does more bad than good. You can be angry, and be right, and still love yourself!
More importantly, loving yourself unconditionally is what really counts. Loving yourself just because you are virtuous is easier, but does not serve you.
Using Balance
Then of course there are moments in which you can simply briefly acknowledge the emotion, and dismiss it without giving it another thought. When there is the realisation that you can spend your time more wisely than staying in an emotion that makes you feel bad.
To be honest this really depends on the circumstances, and any way staying with your anger, even if for a short time, is the only way to see it. You need to assess it, and understand if it is the result of what triggered it, or has to do with something else altogether. And then you can understand how to proceed!
I have to say that mindfulness practice has been the best help I could get in dealing with it! If you want to read more about mindfulness, have a read at this article in the mindset section.
How do you deal with your anger? Do you have any particular method that helps you transform it in a positive way?
Let me know in the comments!
Images Source: Pixabay